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Boivie is a wikiholic mostly active on Swedish Wikipedia, English Wikipedia, Commons and Meta. Between June 2006 and April 2012 sysop and between April 2007 and april 2009 bureaucrat at the Swedish Wikipedia.
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The text below is copied from Wikimania 2008/Cippalusi, a page that wasn't deleted as soon as I thought it would be...
|Wikimania 2008 candidate cities:|
|Alexandria | İstanbul | Nicosia | Toronto | Guadalajara | Australia | (Cippalusi)|
Cippalusi Land of honor, pride, and sincere family values.
- Country: Italy
- City proposed: Cippalusi (Cippalusi), Palermo
- Proposed dates: 8-11 Aug (Friday to Monday)
- Contact persons: Revanche (Wikimedia Vatican chair, main contact); Biddè (Ninja Girl from Hell); Ohr (Goodfella, and you don't want to ask more).
Cippalusi is a small town in the province of Palermo, with about 350 inhabitants (plus about 300 criminals in hiding) over a surface of 200 square kilometers in the beautiful Sicilian shore: it is the 52.435th Italian city by population and a stronghold of the Traditional Families' Chapter.
The city economy is mainly pushed by the escapees business and by the industrial port, located only 15 km away. Due to the port, Cippalusi has been awarded the badge for the Most Environmentally Compromised City of Europe both in 2001 and 2003.
Tobia Scannamugghieri has been the local major since 1975, running the town with an open view to the future and a firm iron fist. Cippalusi was the first town in Italy and 5th in the world for people disappearance in the '90s.
Center of the town is dominated by the beautiful Villa Scannamugghieri, with a huge park including greek era temples and 2.000 years old tombs used as canteens for the wonderful Cazzarone, a tasty and strong red wine.
Cippalusi had great influence in the whole area, since 1950s when the Spaccamenti family eliminated all the enemy Purigghiuni family in a fair shootout.
The city has no monuments at all, except for the villa: this is good, because wikipedians from all the world won't have to bother in turistic time losses.
The climate is Mediterranean, hot and arid from march to november, and incredibly rainy during the winter: surrounding swamps are filled with dangerous animals, making the tomato crop one of the most risky works in the world (just a little less than juggling with fire torches in a gas station).
Cippalusi can offer a rich nightlife, ending at 20.30: after that, a severe curfew will be applied by mens of Mr. Ringo Spaccamenti, resulting in severe "illnes" for trepassers.
Actually, our effort has resulted in two alternative venues to choose from, each with related accommodation. In both cases, they will be provided at no cost for Wikimania through various sponsorships.
Venue: Villa Scannamugghieri
Built in 1811 by a wealthy man of honor, Villa Scannamugghieri is the private house of the major of the city. Mr. Scannamugghieri allowed us to use the stables of the building, over 2.000 covered square meters and a 8 acres courtyard. The stables will have to be divided with the horses of the host, limiting useful space to about 1.200 sq. m.
The Athena Temple is an ancient temple in ruins, useful for his wide open air stairs and beautiful columns.
|Room name||Number of seats||Technical equipment||Total price|
|Stables||600||fresh water||paid by our sponsors|
|Athena Temple||110||lot of rocks||paid by our sponsors|
- How to get there
We will provide a riding shuttle service from the port to Cippalusi town.
- By donkey: From the nearby port (about 2 hours); from Palermo Airport: (about 1 day)
- By mule: same as above
Accommodation: Tent camp
Just bring your own tend, and don't ruin the grass.
The Scannamugghieri Park can house up to 4,500 persons, over an area of over 1.000,000 square metres. Boars, wolves and bears may be a problem, but we will set up an armed watch through the night, shooting all trepassers and escapers.
- Room details and price range
Single and double rooms are available, kindly paid by our sponsors.
|Contacts with conference venue and with accommodation partners.
Contacts resulted in an offer we couldn't refuse, really.
|Financing for locations: fully paid by Mayor Scannamugghieri and by Don Spaccamenti||Done|
Venue: Pizzaruto Hideout
This is the former hideout of mr. Luchino Pizzaruto, head of the Ammazzuni Family. The hideout is in the very heart of the colorful Cippalusi Swamp, surronded by beautiful vegetation and friendly (though lethal) animals. It was founded in 1996, when Mr Pizzaruto had to flee from the local maximum security residence, and had to begin a new life as an unfairly prosecuted man of honor.
We will have the Main Room (15 seats) and the Picciotti Dependance, the former house of the personal guards of Mr. Pizzaruto. Unfortunately, in may 2006 they failed their duty and mr. Pizzaruto suffered a severe lead intoxication caused by the traitors of Giannuzzo Maddalone, first cousin of Pizzaruto himself.
The following table offers technical details about this venue:
|Room name||Number of seats||Technical equipment||Price per day|
|Pizzaruto Room||15||fresh water, gasoline power generator, radio, cooking range||none|
|2 Guard rooms||30 each||color TV, radio, shooting range and weapon stacks||none|
- How to get there
No problem. In case this location will be chosen, we will provide a truck trip. Unfortunately, your eyes will have to be binded, to keep the hideout secret for further use. Local or international security forces won't be welcome.
- From Cippalusi:
- On foot: Follow us, keep your hand on our shoulder and walk.
- By taxi: Close your eyes, and carefully step on the truck.
- By bus: idem as above
- On foot, By taxi or By bus: just reach Cippalusi and read the last paragraph.
Accommodation: you hadda stop shouting "on site, on site", it's on site, waddefuck
Sleeping places will be adapted in the same rooms of the meetings, after 18.30, providing a very easy access to the site both in the morning and in the evening. You don't want to go out anyway.
- Room details and price range
All rooms are now supposed to be free. You can safely evict any previous tenants that may be hanging out there, since they haven't paid their ransom anyway. Just don't let them off their chains if you don't want to risk the wrath of their legitimate kidnappers or their assignees, the Pizzaruto Heirs.
|Contacts with conference venue and with accommodation partners.
No alive partners could be found right now
|Financing for locations: kindly offered by the Pizzaruto Heirs||Done|
Chimminchiavòifare???? Party?? Ya need to be home at halfapasteight pm, ok, fella?
A welcome party will be held at friday night, with fireworks and gunshots. Please, bring your own toys and ammo.
The VIP meeting will be in the Scannamugghieri Villa Ballroom, hosted by the Mayor imself and by the most prominent city authorities, as Mrs Scannamugghieri, Ciruzzo O'Siciliano, Don Carmelo or Bishop Don Manuele Rivaruzzo.
NOTE: approaches with local girls could result in severe sexual diseases, as castration by knife, gunshot in the knees or repeated stabbing. The best way to avoid this is leading a responsible behavior, taking the needed precautionary measures. Among them, marriage is strongly suggested.
Cippalusi is not hard to reach as it seems. Severals means of transportation are available.
Landing in Cippalusi
Did I say that there is an airport? Oh, I didn't, did I? Well, THERE ISN'T.
Only way to reach Cippalusi by air is coming by hang glider, dodging hunters' gunshots.
Or you can airdrop from a low-altitude military flight (several rogue states are in good relations with the Family and their planes won't be shot down). No parachute may be deployed (hunters, remember?) but long stretches of Indian figs will ensure a comfortable landing spot.
Cippalusi has a freight port, so you could consider arriving in Cippalusi inside a cargo container. We suggest to choose fruit or grain freights, because they are climatized and you can eat something on the way. Guests from africa could consider travelling with one of our premium service of blockade runners, smuggling clandestines to EU.
Price for first option depends on route and freight chosen, while for option #2 you can pay a flat rate of 1500 € per person.
|Carrier / notes|
|North America||East Coast||US$ 245||La belle Julienne, Columbia Ships, iron bars freight|
|West Coast||US$ 625||Coronel Cortez, Panama Ltd, grapes or passion fruit fast freight|
|South America||Atlantic Coast||ARS 3,200||Mary Corimba, HaulBest Sealines, lead plates and asbestos wool|
|Europe||Spain||€ 230||Thinkerbell, Fruttaexpress Co., Oranges and tomatoes|
|Plymouth||GBP 91||Admiral Lossom, navy cruiser, expected to be in Neaples in july 2008 for Navy Parade. Lieutenant Frank P. Curtiss is accepting bribes to smuggle you onboard.|
|Hamburg||€ 15||Gotterdammerung, Verana Fuels, oil and liquid gas tanker.|
|Japan||YPY 56,000||Yoshimo, Kahuma Lightfreight, microchips and optical fibers|
|China||CNY 3,300||Kokahi Maru, Li Chan Sea Co., plastic toys|
|India||INR 25,000||Hokayuma, Hunley-Panama Yards, Cotton|
|Saudi Arabia||380 US$||Exxon Malvajo, Exxon Fuel Co, Super Oil Tanker. We will arrange one of the tanks to be reserved for wikimaniacs' trips!|
|Africa||South Africa||ZAR 3,350||Rubejii, Doren-Poulansky Ltd., Aluminium and Metals|
|Australia||Sydney||AUD 1,720||Lady Celeste, Miller-Kool Freight Lines, Kangaroo beef|
Cippalusi can be reached through the SP (provincial road) 155/a from Palermo, in about 3 hours by car. Effective time could be less than 30 minutes, but please consider about 2 hours for check-in at our roadblocks. Illegal trepassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
Another option is to reach Cippalusi by the M3336 muletrack, from Sarrapina (Pa) to Carroscalo (Pa). The muletrack is usually guarded by the Gunnari Family henchmen, so you could consider a good idea bringing a big sign explaining (in italian) you are directed to Cippalusi for Wikimania. Send us a postcard before passing, and we will arrange your passage in advance, or in worst case pay the ransom for you.
No trains reach Cippalusi. And we don't want them. That's all. No question asked.
Travellers with special requirement
We will try to comply with any special needs of our guests
- Food: In the very unlikely case that you will be able to explain to Mister Scannamugghieri what you eat and why you don't want to eat his hunted boars or his tomatoes and you are still alive we will provide. Scassate'amminchia eh...?
- Hearing impaired guests: no problem after the shooting planned on friday's welcome party everybody will be. Whatever. You don't really wanna hear all that boring conferences, ah?
- Who stands behind this bid: You don't make such dumb questions anymore, ah?
- who will be able to help locally: Depends on who is still alive in august 2007...
- names: no names, really
- language spoken: Who cares? You gotta shut up, never speak to much, it's dangerous
- and what they can help with: uh?
Chair of Wikimedia Vatican
|Can help with: al range of Beretta, M16, H&K, and on occurrence with bazookas. Close friend of the Cardinal.|
You don't ask about our women, ok?
|Can cook boars, that will be enough. Expert in knives and thongs.|
|Can handle any sort of explosive. Hates buldings with holes.|
The cabal representative
|Can handle all your 'protection' needs (and you need it bad, believe us)|
Head of Gunnari Family
|I think I can help after my working hours. I had a lunch with president of Stonemasonry, and they will possibly sponsor Wikimania 2008 Cippalusi.|
Costs for attendees
- for several months, we have been working toghether with our sponsoring groups and the result of our common effort is that for both options the following costs are already covered:
- Lunch & dinner
- Transfer from the port
- Basic protection
The attendees will have to pay only for:
- Breakfast (in Italy the usual breakfast consists of Cappuccino and croissants - total cost per day around € 1,60 (2 US$). Unfortunately, the only bar in the city is Mr. Scannamugghieri one, so a breakfast will be about 15 €)
- Transport: No public transport is available in Cippalusi, so it will be really inexpensive (€ 5 per day as a warranty for your walking skill).
- Advanced protection: including all your things and loved ones back at home. This will be about 50-75 € per day, but for large families discounts are available
- Car protection: due to the hot weather in Cippalusi, your car may be subject to fires or even explosion! protect your most valuable good with a small fare of 15€/day in one of the guarded parkings of the city.
Visa and medical information
Italy is an EU member and signed the Schengen Agreement. Unfortunately, EU does not recognize Cippalusi as a nation, and equally unfortunately, we do not recognize any kind of nation in EU. So we have our own medical system.
|No visa needed||All passengers from the World Mafia Agreement - USA: Chicago, Denver, New York, Las Vegas, 'Cisco; Colombia; Japan; Russia; China (only if affiliated), France: Marseille - can freely access the all services provided by our family. Mexican, Brazilian, eastern Europe and Balcan guests will need to show proof of their activity in a local Family Chapter.|
A fake personal document is anyway needed for port operations.
|Visa needed||Any other god-forgotten place.|
Sponsors which already confirmed their support and take active part in this bid:
- Don Carmine Cerramazza will provide protection and security to all participants at reduced cost for the duration of the event.
- Antonella Gabbana fashion shop is going to provide all attendeees with free basic bulletproof vests. (We strongly suggest to pay a little contribution and take the trendy premium model...).
- Mr Scannamugghiere and the Town Authority of Cippalusi will provide the conference halls and accomodation at no additional cost for the participants.
- The Cippalusi Port Authority will take care of passengers incoming by sea.
- Gerolamo Scunazza will provide free guard on Cippalusi girls in the event, bringing people with nasty thoughts to the local parish before they are caught by family men of the girl. Dowry is excluded from the service. Mariano Scunazza, Gerolamo brother, on demand will help wikimaniacs girls to arrange meetings with the best and most honorable young men of the city.
- University of Palermo do not want to have anything to do with the event. And it is better for them.
Support of different organizations
Our deep reasons
We have a six inch sharp reason close to your throat. It becomes deep in a while..
Weaknesses of the proposed location ...and how to overcome those weaknesses
- Weakness? Did I hear right? You don't say that anymore...
Strenght of the proposed location
- Local team with highly developed persuasion abilities
- In a few words (intelligenti pauca): Wikimania Cippalusi 2008. An offer you can't refuse...